affectare abnegatus
by Roses Bride
Summary: They say unrequited love is the curse of the lonely heart and people are most of all, homesick of things they have never really known...


" _Can't sleep?" He almost didn't want to turn, here it was the reason why he was in the shore in the middle of the night, asking the one thing he couldn't answer._

 _"...I have issues sleeping on unfamiliar places." So of course lying through his teeth was the best course of action right now._

 _"Is that your nice way of saying Yuya's snores keep you up? Or that you're unhappy about sleeping on the floor?" She kept asking, her steps on the sand inaudible but he could tell she was closer now. "I swear when they all started with the 'sleepover' idea, I never thought they'd take it so literally."_

 _Neither had he, especially when the house – his family house – had enough rooms for everyone, the waves at the sea picked up as if making fun of his shortsightedness._

 _"I should have stopped them when they built that pillow fort..." Why was she even apologizing? It was not her fault that after moving the furniture the sleeping arrangement had landed him sleeping right next to her._

 _"Not a problem, I don't tend to sleep so early in any case."... And it definitely was not her fault that he had reacted way too late with the lights off that every time he tried to will himself to sleep his eyes sneaked to her sleeping bag, making out her form, counting her breaths…_

 _His thought process came to a screeching halt when he felt her hand on his._

 _"Your hands are cold..." He regretted the moment his eyes posed on her, she was still on her sleep wear, which he knew was a useless detail to obsess over; it was sensible enough, but the thin white fabric – suitable for the summer of course – but with the moonlight shining upon her it was anything but..._

 _"You can go sleep on you bedroom," She offered, "I'll just tell everyone that you got up early in the morning." Her hands were warm and still locked enveloping his hand._

 _"I ...would appreciate that," Why was she doing this? Sometimes his treacherous thoughts suspected she did it all in purpose and then she gave him a saving grace and **that** look, which made him feel like some... "Thank you."_

ᴥ

She almost tripped with her own feet, not her fault, tripping was not something that happened to her on regular basis it was just that this place darker than she expected it to be, it wasn't right... she had been here before and the large window should give enough light even in the dead of night. But there was none and she had to let her eyes adjust to it before trying to move around, especially since there was a set of stairs to climb down from ahead of her... seriously who made a staircase – specially a spiraled one – without a handrail? It had to be a security hazard.

It's just her luck that the steps are made of a translucent slightly glowing material that even within the dark were easy to spot.

Of course it was also her luck that had a soft lighting turn on the moment her shoes stepped on one of them, she froze in place thinking that maybe she had been caught until she realized the office reminded as silent as a minute ago, and the realization hit her: motion sensors.

The desk at the far end of the office was there, and the figure sitting in it was still not moving, she swallowed thinking that maybe he was waiting for the intruder to come down and face them with the consequences of this foolish adventure.

Maybe this was a sign...after all Yuzu knows she shouldn't be here.

It's not like she actually planned it ahead either, although once Nakajima realized that his access card was missing... she supposed there would be a lot of explaining to do tomorrow. It had just been there sitting on the table of the break room while he was struggling with the coffee maker to actually make some coffee.

Almost staring at her, like everything in this place it was pristine and slick

When she swooped down to help him with it at the same time of teaching him how to make a cappuccino he had been so grateful that he didn't question her twice when she asked if the President – she had to bite her tongue to not say Reiji – was still in the building and quickly excusing herself when he answered that he should still be around but was 'undisposed' at the moment.

One hand waving at him and the other behind her back clutching at the card.

Yuzu didn't know if congratulate herself for acting so natural or being ashamed for her lack of consideration for a poor, tired and obviously overworked man.

Of course that while thinking of all of these things, her feet had acted on their own and not only had was she already down the stairs but now she was right there a couple of feet from him.

He sat on his chair leaning down and looking at the landscape or he would if the blinds were not in place.

Or if he wasn't sleeping.

The realization hit her like a truck, suddenly she felt very stupid and very conscious for what she was doing; of course he would be the type to sleep in his office rather than go home or have at least proper bedding available.

Somehow Yuzu was very aware that she had never imagined what he did when he wasn't at work or some outing, she had no idea what his daily routine was like; did he fell asleep while on the work? Did he ran out of coffee? Did his eyes felt heavier and heavier until he finally gave out?

No, there was nothing about him that made this look like an unintentional nap time, there were no papers on the desk, none of the electronic appliances that she knew where hidden inside the desk had been left on by accident.

Most of all his glasses were off, put away to a sensible distance where he could grab them the moment he woke up but there was also little danger of them falling off to the floor.

Yuzu should really leave, right now, she had walked into a moment of him that no one except for a few selected were allowed to see and if she didn't feel like invading his privacy before it definitely felt like it now.

But she didn't, instead she scooted closer... his sleeping position could barely be called such, the chair had been adjusted but even then his arms were still locked on his chest and his legs were crossed... no wonder she thought he was awake before, still... he looked strangely peaceful and younger when asleep, without his glasses.

Her hand went to grab them.

 _'I really shouldn't do this... this is beyond inappropriate and if he happens to wake up I'm in for a world of shame...'_

But it was too late.

Yuzu was already pushing his glasses onto herself, a little surprised that they fit a little tight on her, but his face was leaner and her forehead was slightly wider than his, it made sense. She also felt like giggling to herself at seeing everything around her blurry and moving a little at the same time.

Was this how the world looked to Reiji in the time he took to wake up and put them on? When he washed his face? Or when he took a shower...

 _'Uh-oh, bad train of thought, bad train of thought...'_ The nervous giggle left her before she noticed it and the sound echoed in the office.

Oh no...

In the three seconds that took her to realize the how screwed she was, she heard the creak of someone lifting up, two quick steps, a hand had snapped on her elbow and she had been forced to turn to face her doom.

Which right now looked blurry and fuzzy at the borders. It didn't help that both the glasses and the sudden jerk had made her feel dizzy.

Without being let go she felt the glasses being taken off forcefully from her leaving a few loose strands of hair on her face then she was staring at the unhappy face of Reiji Akaba.

...Maybe it wasn't unhappy, she had to blink a couple times before being able to focus her eyes again.

Nope, definitely unhappy. Any flutter on her belly at the full sight of him without his glasses was stomped down because of the perfectly visible glare and frown directed at her... He let go of her arm and she watched as he pulled a tissue and cleaned his glasses before pushing them up his nose as usual.

She imagined herself snapping at him for that, it wasn't like her hands or face were dirty anyway, the words at least were imaginary but the snort she made was not.

"What are you doing here Hiragi Yuzu?" His voice was even and his volume neutral as usual, Yuzu almost envied him for pulling that in any given situation.

"I..." She was backed into a corner, and when that happened she usually had no other way out, honesty was the best route. "I came here to talk."

Yuzu could count with one hand the number of times she'd seen Reiji give an exasperated sigh, now that number went up by one.

"You misunderstand, I do not mean what you came here for," He snapped his fingers and the night sky appeared in front of her eyes, the lights of the place dimmed out even more in response. "I meant what are you doing inside my office at such hours and without my authorization?"

In a normal situation she may have been embarrassed for this, but as he said all of this he was looking sideways to the city landscape, and the way even his body seemed committed to shut her out

"Someone let the door open." She said, hiding the card deep in her pockets.

Once again, no answer, not even the smallest hint that he has listened to her except for almost imperceptible drop of his shoulders, he was tired she realized and she needed to remove the pang of guilt before taking a step towards him.

"So… can we talk?" She asked looking up at him, not as much as a year ago – thank you growth spurts – but he was still taller than her, then she saw it… The shift of a single leg, meaning to retreat on par with her approaching, but that would have been obvious and lacked on subtlety, it was not his style.

"The only people who have full access to this office are Nakajima and my mother," He said, still not looking at her and ignoring her question, Yuzu felt her eyebrow twitch at this. "Are you implying that they are careless enough to not lock the door behind them?"

"Maybe it was you." The words came out of her almost too fast, a mistake that he would not believe, but it accomplished what she wanted: he was staring at her. "I mean if you were tired enough to fell asleep on your desk, anything is possible."

More like glaring, but still, point for her.

"I am certain that I have never forgotten such thing." Usually people got louder the more upset they got, so of course Reiji's voice actually dropped now.

Two could play the same game, she could continue throwing shade at him to rile him up and then she when he would grow the most agitated she would simply storm out of the office leaving him to deal with whatever feelings she provoked in him.

The thing was… she didn't want to, she too was tired of… whatever this was supposed to be.

"Really? You seem pretty forgetful for me lately, skipping on my birthday, leaving my texts on read, pretending not to remember it was my turn to babysit Reira…" She could go on and maybe she could feel better, only these couple admissions had already made her feel lighter but the point of this was not to vent out or making him feel guilty. "…Why don't you ever talk to me anymore Reiji?"

There, she said it.

And somehow that sentence had managed to make the air around them grow heavier, he had gone back to look into a random point and he was stiff as a board, other than that he had no other reaction but that just proved he knew what she meant. Yuzu took another step forward.

"So you figured." This time his leg did retreat.

"For a teen genius… sometimes you are very dumb you know?" The laughter that left her was not one of happiness or relief it was hollow. "What happened Akaba Reiji? I thought… especially after that time you invited us to the beach, I thought things were going great..." More than great really, she thought remembering their talk at night. "And now you're committed to avoiding me and can't even acknowledge me, even when I'm standing in front of you."

Reiji's only response was a long sigh while he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Do you honestly find me that much of a pain in the a- butt?" Damn her dad's voice reminding her of good manners.

"You've got it all wrong." He has walked again to his desk and opened a screen. "I'm sure Nakajima is freaking out about his missing card so I suggest you give it back."

The way his voice went back to sound so, so distant only pissed her off.

"Well, I wouldn't have recurred to that if you had bothered to tell me what's wrong from the beginning!" She no longer cared that her yelling would be heard all over the place.

"…As if you don't know." It was spoken in such a low and spiteful hiss that Yuzu was speechless until he gave her that look, his eyes flashing, the suppressed sigh and his knuckles white from tightening.

"Yes! I think I know!" How she wished there was something in the desk to throw at him. "Well… Damn you! But I guess I'm out of line right?! It was your gift that brought us all the way here! You and your stupid cards! And your stupid, stupid inability to say what you mean!" His eyes still didn't rise to meet hers. "Stop looking at that screen! You see? You don't have the guts to face me! You're afraid of me! Of her! Of looking at my face! But then again maybe that's what you like about it right? You make it look like you're afraid to cross some line between us… but actually that's what has you worked up right? You're nothing but a pervert."

There were moments in her life where Yuzu could in all honesty say that she had put her foot in her mouth and this was one of them. The moment the words were said, she knew she'd crossed the vague, indistinct line between them that was getting harder to see every day.

She didn't quite expect the sudden anger though.

There was a rage in his eyes that he reserved for his enemies, and which she'd never gotten directed at her. Yuzu had not noticed herself stepping closer and closer to him during her rant until she saw that look and she attempted to back out only to have the back of her knees hitting a hard edge.

Reiji had caught her by the shoulders and guide her to stand in between him and the desk.

"Don't you dare say things like that," he said, in the calmest voice she heard. He didn't need to raise his voice at all to get his venom across. "You have no idea what I feel or what I've been through."

Yuzu really ought to shut up now, wait until he released her and be on her merry way.

' _Why backing out now? Isn't this what **you** wanted?'_

Yes it was.

"If I don't know is only because you won't tell me." she said, managing to sound braver than she felt in the face of his anger, but in some way she liked it. She liked how controlled he was, even when he was as angry as this, so different of how she dealt with her own anger.

"You need to leave now." More than ever she wanted to see him lose that amazing hold he seemed to have on his control.

"We have not finished talking."

She saw the way his eyes moved over her face and stopped on her lips, and the way his fingers lowered from her shoulders to her arms when she licked them dry. She could feel the tension rolling off of him in waves, only this time he seemed so much closer to the limit.

"Did you really come here to talk, Yuzu?" And at this point a small breeze might make him lose it. "You took way too many bothers just to 'talk'…" Then, all of the sudden, his hands eased up on her much to her dismay. "However I'm not going to do something that you'll regret later and hate me for."

"I'll hate you more if you keep on ignoring me, it's way too late to try and pretend everything's ok between us when obviously it's not." Despite her biting words, he was pulling away, stepping back… regaining control.

She could only think of one thing to get him back: grab his scarf and place her lips on the corner of his mouth.

Could this be called a kiss? His eyes closed and this close she realized the deep breath he took before talking again, her own belly was busy doing flip-flops.

"There's still time to preserve integrity and decorum," he said, his voice husky and his hands hung stiff at his sides, she could almost see the ache in them.

"I think this is what people call 'past the point of no return'." Still no answer and she made to motion to get closer. "If it means you'll stop giving me these cold shoulder all the time, then you can screw decorum for all I care and do the indecorous thing! Now!"

His mouth was on hers faster than she could react; Yuzu staggered in shock, her hands warily against his shoulders. There was a kind of urgency about this rolling into one hard, clumsy kiss and she hardly had the type of experience to keep up with it on top of it she could feel her knees wobbling but then she felt his body pushing her until she found support on the desk and one of his hands smoothing from her arms to her back and tangled with her hair. She could feel him, smell him, feel his breathing and his body filled her vision, Yuzu shut her eyes focusing on his lips moving and pressing against hers.

It was not one of those perfect, passionate kisses that you got in movies. But Yuzu didn't care. Her own urgency to have him close and take everything he was finally offering was too strong, she wanted to memorize the feel and taste of his mouth.

Then it was over.

He drew back, looking around the room and he adjusted his glasses, lopsided from the sudden movement, looking almost shy while doing it. But even now she was very aware of the hold if his hand on her waist and he didn't object to her hands gripping his shoulders

Now that she thought about it, stepping away from that kiss, from her company altogether had probably hurt him more than it had hurt her.

"Why didn't you say anything?" She whispered, something that had been coiled unconscionably tight inside her chest was finally loosening up.

Reiji didn't answer,

"How long?" She asked burrowing her nose against his chest.

"I'm uncertain of the exact moment, but I can say when it started to bother me…" If this wasn't Reiji she might be offended by the use of the word bother, such an awkward person he was underneath all the layers, "…Your Pro Duelist celebration party."

She almost felt herself leap in shock, instead she just slapped his shoulder, "But… that was almost year ago!"

"I'm highly aware." She felt him sigh against her hair.

Yuzu tried to summon some understanding, failing miserably, she couldn't imagine coming to terms with any feeling, even the most insignificant that long and not act upon it or do anything about it.

"I simply… noticed you in a different light on that day." There was something in his voice that had changed. He sounded almost relieved to be getting it off his chest. "When you entered the Championship I had no doubt that you would pass; I knew you would pass… but I suppose it still surprised me. I didn't fully appreciate how far you had come until I saw your name down in the Pro Leagues registry right next to mine, and…"

She swallowed before lifting her eyes to his face again. "…Yes?"

"And you were beautiful that day." For a moment, Yuzu thought something might burst out of her chest. "When you smiled, everyone wanted to smile."

Yuzu didn't protest when he finally motioned to step away from her, after such a confession she couldn't be, except…

"Still... why didn't you say?" It was impossible to keep a teeny bit of exasperation of her voice, his words had been like a balm to her hurt feelings and her bruised pride but she would lie if she said it didn't sting anymore.

Just a little.

"I was wholly unprepared to deal with these feelings; I don't believe I was even aware of their nature of them until that night at the beach…" He sat on his chair again which he swiveled to face her and for a moment Yuzu felt a bit out of place with him looking up at her. "…And even then I had rationalized it was some effect of the stress and thought that maybe if I kept my distance the infatuation would fade."

There, he admitted it, he was intentionally avoiding her and he was… infatuated with her, it was silly to feel embarrassed now but putting into words really did gave more weight to this.

"And since I believed any chance of reciprocation was highly unlikely I did not wish to make you feel uncomfortable."

It was not an excuse, she thought immediately… but this was Reiji, so it was an explanation alright.

Then she felt his fingers attempting to intertwine with hers but in their current positions – him leaning back on his chair and her half-sitting on his desk still. – it was impossible.

Until he leaned forward of course, her hand felt tiny inside his.

"You have nice hands." She blurted out without much thinking. "Um… so is this gonna be a thing? You and I?"

"Perhaps…" He said, his hand squeezing hers lightly. "I don't do hand-holding or kissing in public and to be quite honest I'm unsure of labels such as boyfriend or girlfriend… You won't get any shortcuts in your career, if you want to be an elite duelist you will have to work as hard as everyone else, the only thing you will get out of me in that regard is a recommendation which I wouldn't do in the first place if I was not certain of your ability.

Yuzu felt her head tilt and felt her lips tug at his sudden his display of negotiation skills even at such situations, always the businessman.

"I wouldn't want you to anyway, what kind of self-respecting duelist would I be if I that was the case?" She started. "But if we're setting ground rules… you have to take me out on a date at least once per week, even if it's just for a coffee or ice cream, I'm not picky about food, and you have to let me pay every once one a while, I don't want anyone thinking I'm mooching off you or something." He seemed amused at this last condition. "My favorite flowers are tulips in case you do something to anger me again, but personally you can't go wrong with an honest apology, don't ever buy me chocolates or jewelry please." He had this look on his face, when he was cataloguing information for later, and Yuzu couldn't help but giggle at it and almost on cue she heard a chuckle from him.

"Those seem agreeable conditions, do you agree to mine?" He was eyeing her up again.

"Yes." She surprised herself with how this felt so easy and natural.

"Does this," He glanced at their stir joined hands. "counts as a binding seal?"

Saying she was surprised by his wit would be an understatement. "I'd rather to seal it with another kiss?" But he seemed more taken aback by hers.

He recovered quicker though.

"I have no objections."

* * *

Well... that was a doozie :'D, this was a belated gift fic for timahina and her birthday, and as usual I'm late as hell to post this stuff on this site .  
If you want to know what prompted me to write this (besides as a gift for Tima of course) was imagining an scenario in which Reiji was called a pervert.  
Yes, really.


End file.
